Photograph by Dan Schleifer
Location: Your grandfather’s attic
Best Song: Somebody’s Watching Me – Rockwell
Looking For: You, obviously. I don’t know what happened or why I’m here, but this whole thing is really messed up. I take back everything I said about American Girl Dolls. Just come and get me.
Dream Date: I was going to say something dumb and ironic like a long walk on the beach, but really – that would be great right now.
Best Memory: I was riding my bike through South Africa with the wind in my hair. That was also my last memory. Really any memories besides this one are cool with me. You like cheeseburgers, right? Do you want to get a cheeseburger? Or maybe some clothes. I love clothes.
Pets? Teddy can stay here.
Ideal Look: I don’t know what you were wearing when we broke up, but honestly even if you shaved your head and lost sixty pounds I’m cool with it as long as you show up. Seriously. I won’t even talk about your grandfather.
Favorite Hobbies: I’d like it if you ran.