How to be a successful light bulb in 5 easy steps

1. Don’t be too bright. No one likes a show off. 

Those opinions about how to solve the Great Recession? Save them for later or don’t say them at all.

2. Be sturdy. 

Did Pussy Riot cave under pressure? No. And neither should you. Are you too fragile to take any criticism? Will you crack under pressure? If so, you do not belong in any lamp.

3. Unless your owner is depressed, try to stay out of the light boxes. 

Getting involved in emotional lighting is exhausting and may zap your bulb.

4. Be warm, not hot. 

This is not the MTV music awards. No need to sizzle any fingers off.

5. Don’t be embarrassed. 

Chris Christie is not your leader, don’t follow his feelings. Getting red in the face may look like an artistic and interesting mood enhancement, but it’s not useful.