The Fluff

 

Name: Gwenyth

Age: No expiration date

Location: Way in the back

Favorite Song: Lips Like Sugar – Coldplay

Favorite Book: Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg

 

About Me: I really just like to have fun. I know that everyone says they really just want to have fun when actually they just want to hear someone else talk about their fun. But I actually just want to have fun. I’m a huge dreamer. I love star gazing (Gemini). I like to visit the rocky beaches of New England just to experience the amazing sounds of nature. I love nature. Almost as much as I love fun.

About You: Preferably over 14. I like a lot of physical affection, especially at family functions. If you’re confident, I will probably like you no matter what.

Best First Date: I want someone who likes to talk about existentialism in the form of stars. I’m really interested in thinking past the earth’s hemisphere so that we can get to the heart of who we truly are as universal characters. Whether we’re camping in a rainforest or providing care and loving support for underprivileged children, I want someone who is a human being and not just a human doing.

 

Deal Breakers: No David Foster Wallace. No Jean Renoir. I don’t need a lot of fluff in my life.

The Tool

 

Dating Profile:

Favorite Quote:  Bro’s before hoes

About Me: I lead a simple life. I’m practical, strong and not currently attached.

My motivation to get out of bed every morning: Making the world a better place for everyone.

Looking for: A complex woman. I want someone who can teach me about foreign film and psychology, but who also knows cars and isn’t afraid to sit at the bar past midnight on a Wednesday. Someone with a past is someone with a future.

Ideal date: I want to listen to Lana Del Rey and Fiona Apple in your fourth floor walk up.

Vices: I love too much.

Favorite song: “Broken Girl” Matthew West

The Receipts

 

The Gold

 

“I don’t do sparkles.”

“You don’t have to if I’m there.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

“Everybody needs shine in their life.”

“It’s better to be bright.”

“That’s enough.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m sick of this.”

“What ‘this’?”

“You know what I’m talking about.”

“Don’t talk to me like that.”

“Let’s not be trashy.”

“Just because you’re old, doesn’t mean you’re classic.”

“Do we need to stay home tonight?”

“Depends if you’re going.”

“Are you?”

“Should I?”

“Yes. As long as you’re not ostentatious.”

“Why is a little attention so bad?”

“It’s not the amount, it’s the type.”

“Fine.  I’ll stay home.”

“You can’t stay home.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to have a bad time.”

The Pierogi

 

She’ll always love me.  She’ll always love me because she picks me first.

I see her come in from the wind and cold, her hair clumped in an odd arrangement of hairspray.  Ear phones jammed as far inside her ears as possible.  She is oblivious to everything except hunger.

She walks inside, scanning the aisles of the market with her life’s soundtrack following every step.  Grapefruit? Too sour.  Organic Sugar? Too pretentious. It’s a Bittersweet Symphony playing on repeat.

Nobody used to pick me.  I stayed in the back of the freezer, hoping a fat Polish woman might see me and exclaim, “Supper!”   

Day after day the market manager moved me to different areas of the store.  First I was next to the pizzas.  Surely someone would pick me if I was associated with something fast and cheap. I stared across the aisle, focusing intensely on the Leanfast bars.  A woman in a bikini with dyed blond hair and a spray tan devoured the chocolate seductively.  I was definitely in the wrong position.

Next, the market manager moved me to the ice cream section.  I tried to be cool and aloof, like one of those anorexic French women who thought hunger itself was a sign of shameless need. No one was biting.

At last, they stuck me with the vegetables where all good food goes to die.

But then she came.

I could tell she was of the boring variety by the absence of color in her wardrobe and the way she chatted with primarily women over sixty-five.

“Don’t bother with those batteries,” she pointed to a shelf full of Duracell’s while an older woman scratched her head. “They may be on sale, but they’re never as good as the Energizers.”

After moving on from the batteries, she scanned the fruits.  Too tart.

She scanned the pizza.  Too greasy.

She scanned the vegetables and shook her head with obvious disappointment.

And then she saw me.

“Pierogi!” She said with glee. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere!”

Gum

Well, gum, here you are again.

I know.

How do you always get stuck in these situations?

I don’t know.

You think you would learn.  Last time it was the boy with wolf teeth.  Before that, just dentures.

You think I’d learn.

But you don’t.  You never learn.

Maybe we should continue to talk about it and I will remember next time.

But that’s what we did last time.

I know. I’m not as slick as I’d hoped.

The Dress

Soft colors of a thin fabric always hide first.

Do they bleed through to the back? Or do they stick stuck to the middle?

Inked on the inside of an empty dress, printed patterns collide.

They struggle against the wrinkles. They relax against the formed.

Curled into coarseness, they gently fold backward.

 

 

Send Me Your Stories!

Hi readers,

If you would like a personalized object story that revolves around your life or a message you would like to get out, please e-mail: RebeccaColesLee@gmail.com

Personalized Story Form:

Your name: (Please specify if you would like your name to appear at the top of the story)

Reason for sending this story: (Do you want a secret/metaphoric love letter to someone?  Do you have strong feelings about an experience that you can’t specifically talk about? Are you interested in sharing your personal story with the anonymity of objects?)

Are there any specific details you would like me to include in the story?

If interested, please include these answers in the email.

The Phone

 

 Disconnected

 

1:23 PM Cute Teacher: Hi Peter – I hope this is the right number. I wanted to say again, how nice it was to speak with you at the PTA meeting. I think, however, I’m going to pass on dinner until your daughter is no longer in my class.

 

 

1:23 PM: I understand completely. I hope I wasn’t too forward.

 

 

1:24 PM Cute Teacher: No, not at all. I’m concerned about your daughter though.

 

 

1:25 PM: What’s wrong?

 

 

1:25 PM Cute Teacher: She has been picking at her nails.

 

 

1:26 PM: LOL Most little kids pick at their nails.

 

 

1:26 PM Cute Teacher: No – She picks at them until all her fingers are bloody.

 

 

1:30 PM Cute Teacher: I know you’re going through a tough divorce, does she have anyone to talk to?

 

 

1:32 PM: There’s nothing to talk about.

 

_

 

2:46 PM 1-434-896-3389: Mom! I can’t believe it! I’m about to get on the plane, but I wanted to tell you before it hit Facebook: Jason proposed to me!!!

 

 

2:47 PM 1-434-896-3389: Ooops, I’m sorry! I think I texted the wrong #.

 

 

2:49 PM: You did, but congratulations!

 

 

2:50 PM 1-434-896-3389: Thanks!!!

 

 

2:51 PM: Don’t listen to what they tell you.  I’ve been married to my college sweetheart for 24 years. Best decision I ever made.

 

 

2:51 PM 1-434-896-3389: That’s so sweet!!! How do you guys do it?

 

 

3:04 PM: A lot of  divorced couples will tell you that marriage is just a lot of work. It ‘s always wonderful between my wife and I though. When you love someone that much, you never contemplate splitting up.

 

 

3:05PM 1-434-896-3389: Did you ever fight about the future?

 

 

3:10PM: Never. Love grows with family.

 

 

3:11PM 1-434-896-3389: I know what you mean. Our family will never be broken.

 

 

Online Dating

Name: Server

Interested in: User

About Me: I grew up all over the world. My connections to people are strong, but distanced. I am extremely loyal, outgoing, and trustworthy. I live for the energy of others.

My Ideal Date: Someone who knows what they want. I don’t want to play games just to figure you out. I’m a straight forward, optimistic, go getter. If you need me, I need you. Just tell me when and where and I’ll be there.

Favorite Song: I would die 4 U by Prince

Favorite Book: The Missing Link by Brandon Meyers

Favorite Movie: Turn Me On, Damn it!

Three Things I Can’t Live Without:

• Direction

• A strong and loving connection

• You

If you’re interested in messaging me, know that I will always get back to you. My response time is immediate. You are my biggest priority.

http://money.cnn.com/2015/10/08/technology/hacker-revenge-prosecutors/