Dear Melmac Dish

Edited by Melissa Mayberry

Dear Melmac Dish,

I hope this doesn’t come across in the wrong way, I just wish to tell you what we have been discussing. You are a beautiful dish in your own way and I admire the sturdiness that you hold within you. You’re a very accommodating plate and will always hold as much as you can. However, I’ve been talking it over with the group and we just don’t know if you would make the right impression for our annual family dinner.

Your resume is quite impressive and It’s not that we don’t appreciate where you’ve been and the many stories you can tell about being from a thrift store, it’s just that the story is hard to relate to. This place setting is reserved for someone with more experience in the fine dining atmosphere. Unfortunately it seems you have a chip on your side which all others have failed to get rid of. I understand your last dinner party overlooked this aspect, but unfortunately this is a more formal setting.

In addition to the manners in which our table upholds, you also seem unfit in the looks department. While you were once, I’m sure, a beautiful, bright blue, you appear to have gone pale.  The decorative design that tattoos your whole body is a bit much for our usual look and to be quite frank, your complexion is not what should necessarily be showcased in this particular event.

For this years dinner we would really prefer all of the table to be matching. We’ve already allowed the table cloth a place at our dinner and so you see, we can’t allow for anything else not to be perfect. I sincerely apologize for the inconvenience, but we will not be needing your services at this time. If you are still looking for a place come April, perhaps a spring picnic outside would better fit your needs.

Best of wishes,

– The Silver Spoon