The Jelly Jar (reviewed)

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As with all whimsical gifts in style this year, the Country Quaint Raspberry Jelly has rediscovered itself.  Once presumed to have only been found in plastic containers pushed to the far end of a pantry, this newly packaged gem has made ‘expired’ the new vintage.

Country Quaint Raspberry Jelly is stunningly sweet, if not fulfilling. Its fruity, yet familiar flavor is sure to prime you for a real southern breakfast on the farm.   The unpretentious taste of jelly can easily be paired with Jiff Peanutbutter, or, if concerned about the artificiality of processed Jiff, try Jiff-In-A-Glass-Jar.  For just four extra dollars, Country Quaint Raspberry Jelly can marry the taste of dreams in a style best suited for consumption.

If you’re concerned about what friends may think of your inability to cook, Country Quaint Designer Condiments may be the preferred choice for precious eaters.  All condiments (and their new line of vegan kitty litter) can be purchased at SoulFoods off I-93 Northbound, exit 13.

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5 thoughts on “The Jelly Jar (reviewed)

  1. ah, but that’s Wilkin & Son jam, from Tiptree in Essex in England: the King of Conserves.

    Socialite, chicken farmer, alcoholic, OSS operative, murderer and science fiction writer Alice Sheldon named her alter-ego James Tiptree Jnr after a visit to the grocer’s because she thought the name stout and manly.

    Of Robert Heinlein she wrote “maybe having the macho to do such a horrible bad taste disaster is the mark of a real writer… The good taste that holds your tongue from making the little *unlikeable* lapses is also the castrating inhibition that really keeps you from really saying anything…”

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